Whac-A-Mole Review

Platform: Nintendo DS
ERSB: Everyone
Genre: Arcade
Number of Players: 1-2 single-card and 1-2 multi-card
Publisher: Activision Value
Release Date: September 27, 2005
Official Website
Writers: Typhoid

Rating: 0.5

Whac-A-Mole: The Moles Don’t get the Headache- YOU do

I bought this game because my nostalgia for whacking small rodents with a large mallet as a child got the better of me. I am a sucker for old-school and I’m always looking for simple mind-numbing games to play when I’m out and about. I was so wrong to think this would be one of those titles.

You can NOT play this game without memorizing the manual. You can NOT play this game without a pot of coffee, a couple of chocolate bars and other stimulants. About two weeks of my frenzied attempts only passed about 3 boards with any accuracy. Not exactly what I’d call “pick up and play.” I got energized alright, energized with ANGER that I actually paid $19.99 for this game.

There are two modes to play: Arcade and Puzzle. The Arcade Mode is a theoretically simple progression from stage to stage, whacking moles. In reality it is not so, as “progression” is nearly impossible in this game. The Puzzle Mode (Figure 1) wants you to whack the moles in the pattern presented. Since the moles come out of their holes randomly, you use the arrows beside the rows to shift the board around to fit your needs.

Graphics:
Cartoon-Arcade style. Creative and varied backgrounds are usually a positive thing, but in this game make the screen hard to read and confusing. As for the characters there are ten types of often similar-looking moles of which you are supposed to identify, create a specific plan of action, and then implement your action on the quickly appearing and disappearing moles within milliseconds.

Controls:
You tap the stylus on the moles (or items) to activate them. Depending on the type of mole or item you need to tap it once, several times, not at all, or any other way Activision has found to make mole-whacking more complicated than it ever needed to be.

Sound:
If the moles screamed in agony when I whacked them maybe I’d like it. Anything to cause them as much misery as they caused me playing this game. Seriously, in a game where you whack moles on a head with a mallet shouldn’t THEY be the more injured party?

Flow:
Newsflash: not being able to pass boards because they’re very difficult is strangely disrupting to the flow of a game.

Fun Factor:
Wait, fun?! I almost forget this was supposed to be a game.

Is there a female playable character:
Most of the moles are, though overwhelmingly masculine, considered androgynous. The single character that they specifically gave a sex to is the female “Medusa Mole” who turns adjacent moles into stone. As the manual proclaims, “stop the Medusa mole by whacking her quickly 5 times, or she’ll make your life really hard.” I’m thinking of taking that advice with the game cartridge itself.

Replay Value:
Is zero technically considered a value? Please don’t buy this game, don’t let my suffering be in vain.

This is one of the worst games I have ever played, no small feat.