The New York Times recently did an article about breaking up in a digital age. The article discusses the topic of passwords and sharing, and it made me wonder: How many people that are in relationships share passwords? Are they just sharing laptop log-ons? E-mail, Facebook and Twitter accounts? Banking? Is it okay not to share without feeling pressured to? Am I uncomfortable with it because I am a little old-fashioned?

With all these burning questions, I had to think about this and then I spoke to my significant other: J. (All significant others’ names have been replaced with an initial for privacy’s sake.)  To this date, we have been together for five years, and we know each others log-on passwords for our PCs. We originally shared these so that when we were at each other’s house, we would be able to log on and check our own social networking and e-mail items. I actually have to keep asking him for the password, because I’m forgetful.

So when I asked him about the sharing of passwords and what he thought about it, he told me that “It boils down to trust and privacy. I trust that you will not (screw) around with my Facebook account, and I trust you enough to know that you won’t be sending out fake e-mails.” The difference became evident with banking passwords, where he believes that “Sometimes things need to be kept private.”

As our discussion continued, it seemed that it depends most of all on your level and personal concepts of trust and privacy. That is something that a lot of the comments in the articles on the topic came to.  I have noticed on this topic that the word “trust” comes up on both sides of the coin. “He is showing me that he has nothing to hide,” or “I trust him completely, so I don’t need to have access to his e-mail.”  So what should you do? Well, the best thing to do is to discuss the issue with your partner, and find out if sharing is the right thing for you.

Of course, I also checked what a few of our lovely GamingAngels members thought about the topic.

Renochan: “E. and I know the login passwords to each other’s laptops, since we spend so much time together and use them a lot. As far as e-mails and passwords, we’ve never talked about that, and I don’t think we ever will. It doesn’t bother me, cause if I really wanted to get in there I probably could, and if he really wanted into mine, I’d log in and let him see. I don’t really think it’s necessary for couples to exchange passwords, but then again, I believe that if someone is suspicious, then they should talk, not snoop. Guess I’m old-fashioned or something!”

Trina: “M. actually ended up having to go into mine to help me with something, but otherwise I may never have told him. I think it’s my IT background where you just don’t tell people your password. M. however, won’t give me his passwords at all. We’re over 5 years together and I doubt that he’ll ever tell me and I’m okay with that.”

Tiffany: “We exchanged passwords a little after we decided that we were officially dating. We know each other’s passwords to almost everything at this point. It’s sort of a sign of intimacy between us, a ‘Hey, I don’t mind if you look at this,’ or an expression of, ‘I’m keeping no secrets from you.’ Not to mention that it’s occasionally useful – if I’m away from home, a quick check of his e-mail will let me know whether or not he’s sleeping at the time, since e-mails happen all night, usually. Don’t want to wake anyone up, you know? It’s also a good way to get addresses or phone numbers that I don’t have already.”

Cherith: “We don’t share many passwords.  We each have our own log-on to each other’s computers so we can use them without having to be in the other’s account.  We’re married, so we share a bank account, so that password has to be shared.  But for everything else, it’s a matter of what it is, and what we need the password for.  Something’s we’ll share, and others we might only share temporarily for a specific reason.  It’s not that we don’t trust each other, but it’s important to us to sometimes keep some things to ourselves.”

I believe in the end, is boils down to two things: Your couple style, and your comfort level. What do you think?

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