Just your average, ordinary, everyday Super-Hero.

ESRB: T for Teen
Players: One
Genre: Action-Adventure
Publisher: SEGA
Developer: Sega Studios San Francisco
Release Date: May 4th, 2010

PASS

So, what did we do wrong to you? Yeah, Sega. I mean you. What did we do wrong to you that you think we’re completely capable of falling for this over and over again? Granted, we played Golden Axe: Beast Riders and Garfield: Caught in the Act and we STILL didn’t seem to catch onto this trend. You can’t seem to make sequels as fluidly as we’d like and with you guys, it’s not even hit or miss anymore. It’s hit-miss-miss-miss-miss-hit and so on, but we keep buying them.

That will probably be the case once again with Iron Man 2. Know that I was groaning over this game months ago and realize that I went in with a heavy heart over this title before it was even probably reasonable to do so; but realize — I TRIED. I really, really tried.

First off, where was the big cinematic opening? I popped this disc in and stared at Iron Man and War Machine for about ten minutes with nothing fancy happening. Not a pop, a whizz or a fizzle and when I pressed start? I was welcomed with gorgeous voice-over work but sub-par graphical opening sequences. Let’s face it, you guys quit the second the script was finished. It’s okay, I don’t mind. Just admit it. The game takes place somewhere that has nothing to do with the film and in this part of the universe; we’re already aware of what War Machine is, what he’s gonna do and why we want him to do it. Don Cheadle and Sam Jackson reprise their film roles with spot on voice performances while the voice of virtuouso Tony Stark is actually not Robert Downey Jr. at all. In fact, upon looking it up? I can’t FIND the voice actor’s name anywhere! IMDB would have you believe that it’s Robert Downey Jr. — but it’s not. In fact, I even tore apart the in-game booklet. Nothing. Maybe I’ll contact Sega and ask them why they’re so apt to make sure we know about Jeremy Irons, Samuel Jackson and Don Cheadle but not the spot-on voice acting of Iron Man!

He's actually a big old pussycat once you get to know him.

Oh, and those graphics? Face it; you could’ve released this on PS2 without even missing a beat. They’re not even sub-par, they’re just gross. At parts during the game I swore that Natasha had a dark moustache above her lip and that Tony’s mouth was covered in yogurt, that was when Cheadle wasn’t rocking a crazy wonky eye. So, what did you guys spend the budget on? The script? The voice acting? Those I can believe, because there were plenty of times during the game that I laughed out loud to Tony’s lines. The infamous “Let’s go be awesome.” line in the game had me giggling as well as some of the amusing quips that would come between the characters during Mission breaks.

I know some of you are saying; “There’s more to a game than graphics and sound.” and you’re right. Totally. There’s gameplay and the overall engine used in the title. The camera work was absolutely flawed and I can’t even tell you the amount of times that the camera fought against me. The camera would fly backwards into me, it’d go behind me and into another enemy or it would randomly decide not to go to the targeted enemy. Why? For a game that is this action-intensive, you’d think you’d want the camera to be top-notch. It failed me. Heavily.

Iron Man 2 or Iron Man: Ew? Look at that face!

The actual gameplay wasn’t terrible, but it was lacking in edge. Fighting Crimson Dynamo was the only time that I actually felt a sense of urgency to beat the baddie and that was what bothered me. Fought the same damn tanks over and over again and once I got the hang of it, there was ultimately no challenge. Harder modes boasted more enemies and larger gauges but no actual challenge to how they were fought and that’s just the one complaint on the gameplay. The Missions were short and at the end, to make up for the fact it was so simple; they gave you multiple achievements for beating a level. I haven’t even finished the game and I was tearing through the achievements without even really knowing how or why. They gave us customization in this game and from what they said during the conference call with Dean; they boasted that this really MADE the game. True, I liked building up points to invest in new weapons, suit upgrades and the like — but the customization ended there. Four slots to upgrade with and then combinations you could make for artillery; sounded like a good idea on paper but it was flawed in execution. Long story, short? I got bored.

Like I said, I really WANTED this game to prove me wrong. I went and saw the movie, I replayed the first title and I did everything I could to find some good in this. I came out grasping at straws of voice-over perfection and script-work that would make most games beg for their writers. Seriously, it was amazing — but that’s where the honeymoon ends. Sega, if you want us to believe you’re a valid weaver of the modern-day fairytale, quit letting us down with your movie ports. Create something that keeps us both wanting to play the game and makes us want to see the movie over and over. A true good title keeps you involved in the film much longer than cinema can take you. Learn your lessons.