Battleship: The Movie: The Game is an actual thing (though that’s not its name)

In this week’s edition of “Oh, hey, I didn’t expect that (even though I should’ve),” we have Battleship, coming from a partnership between Activision and Hasbro. And so a video game based on a movie based on a board game is a thing that is actually happening. Though you shouldn’t try to say that three times fast.

…yep.

“We’re geared up for an outrageous sea and land conflict with the all new BATTLESHIP videogame,” said David Oxford, Activision Publishing. “Inspired by the film’s exciting action and stunning backdrop, the game is next-gen naval warfare that thrusts players into the middle of humanity’s last stand against an unfamiliar menace.”

I…have never thought about next-gen naval warfare while trying to figure out which coordinates that stupid, tiny destroyer floated on. I also missed the part where the original Battleship had land warfare. I also always knew who I was making my last stand against. (It was my mother, and she had a knack for taking me down quickly.) I have also never put characters on my boats (mostly because they were too tiny and I didn’t miss the part where it was a board game). But this has not stopped Double Helix, who are developing the game for Activision.

In Battleship, you’ll play as demolitions specialist Cole Mathis (who, I’m betting, is going to sink a battleship! Teehee!), who is essentially stuck in a deserted land and sea area where his cell phone doesn’t work. Well, okay, it’s Hawaii. Also, considering that I once had a boyfriend call me from the top of a volcano in Hawaii, I’m not quite understanding this “dead zone” thing. But I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he has Sprint or something.

Anywho, the game somehow combines first-person shootery goodness with naval strategy simulation, so it’s Call of Duty meets…well, the board game. The key word is “somehow.” You’ll command frigates, cruisers, destroyers, submarines and…well, a very surprising last ship — the USS Missouri battleship.

Why so surprising? Well, the USS Missouri is a museum. So, I’d imagine that makes it very easy for the enemy to find — just go to Pearl Harbor. It’s kind of just…there. And it has a P.O. Box and everything. Easy!

Battleship arrives in Europe this April, followed by North America in May. It’ll be available for PS3 and Xbox 360 with special versions available for Wii, Nintendo DS and 3DS.

Here’s a trailer chock-full of “Not actual game footage.”